One of the classic quotes about poor communication, usually attributed to Robert McCloskey, is: I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but, I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant.
And it really sums up the whole problem very neatly. Poor personal communication can leave two people with entirely different perceptions of the same conversation. In the workplace this spells disaster.
There is simply no room in business for ambiguity or misunderstanding, you need to be clear and be sure that the people you communicate with understand exactly what you say. The best way to do this is to embrace one core principle – being understood is YOUR responsibility. It’s no use blaming somebody else for not getting things wrong when, with a little extra effort, you can make sure everybody you communicate with fully understands what you need from them.
Whatever level within a company you work at or if you work directly with customers there is only one person in the whole world who can make sure that you are understood and that’s you. If the idea of being wholly responsible for your communication doesn’t sit comfortably with you how about this? You are in charge of your communication. Being in charge sounds a whole lot nicer huh?
So what steps can you take to make the difference? Firstly the most essential skill you can develop is attentive listening. What is attentive listening? Well, it’s taking the time to listen to somebody else without imposing your own agenda.
I’m sure you’ve been in one of those competitive conversations where everybody swaps stories and people only listen well enough to get the idea of what is said while in their head they are thinking of their own stories to better the last. This is great fun but achieves nothing.
Instead of preparing your next interjection, listen closely to what is being said and ask questions about what is said to elicit more information. Pick up on interesting aspects of the subject or ask about the history (how did you get into that? etc). Sometimes a simple “uh huh” or “that’s interesting” can be enough to keep the person you are communicating with giving you precious information.
Taking this approach achieves a number of outcomes:
1. The person you are communicating with feels valued because you are listening to them properly
2. You gain a lot of information about the person you are talking to
3. You seem to be more interesting because you are interested
The last point on the list is counter intuitive, but if you ask good questions the other person will remember you as an interesting person, mostly because attentive listening is a rare skill!
Now that’s all well and good but what if you have to give instructions effectively? The golden rule here is to get feedback. Ask for questions about the instructions you just gave. How you respond is vitally important. You must acknowledge EVERY question as a good question no matter how dumb or obvious it may seem. Remember that you are trying to encourage an environment when seeking clarification is positively encouraged.
If no questions are asked then briefly recap and, if you are giving instructions to a group, make sure to tell them you are available to answer questions at the end of the session. This way people who may be shy about speaking up can seek you out if necessary.
Then comes the great secret part of the process that will set you apart from you peers. Reflect on the feedback you received and evaluate your own performance. Do you get similar feedback every time? Then perhaps you could change the way you deliver instructions. You could modify your style, the format of the information (verbal or written etc.) or even the time of day you give the instructions. Your imagination is the limit.
Take responsibility for being understood and you will see a vast improvement in the quality of your communication.
Stephen Hendren is a leading expert on communication skills and teaches people the most effective ways to communicate for both business and personal environments.
